Monday, August 17, 2015

Connections

As I have gone through life, as every person has gone through life, we are all channels of energy passing through each other's life's, affecting each other, breaking each other down, helping evolve  our souls. Something I find interesting is the chemistry you feel towards certain people. As a friend or a lover, there always has to be some sort of chemistry that breaks down the barriers of letting someone in or shutting them out. To me chemistry is an interesting thing, because it doesn't require the physical lusts of society to make someone click with your energy. This can open people from different social class, cultures, or just physical attributes someone seeks to have a deeper connection than passing by and saying hello. As I was traveling in Berlin it became more apparent to me what perhaps this chemistry consists of. 

I am a very spiritual person, I began riding the energy of the universe and synchronicities many years ago. It's a wave of openness and skepticism that I surf along, sometimes catching an incredible surf and sometimes cutting myself on a rock. But with each wave comes a new one, but someday I hope to learn how to fly with this energy. I feel when you tune yourself in, you listen to that feeling that creeps inside of you. Don't let the brain tell you, let that feeling guide you with taking a left or a right at the forks in the road. Chemistry to me, is like the gut feelings one can have as a sign. Chemistry is allowing all of the beings come into your life that your soul has a contract to learn from. Sometimes these will not be the most pleasant experiences, but will teach you some of the largest lessons and give you greater strength than you could have imagined without this life knowledge. Everyone that comes into your life and you have an openness with has a message for your soul. It doesn't have to be apparent, but it is always adding a new form of growth on your being. This is why sometimes you are so strongly attracted to a person that the physical attributes become irrelevant and they can make you feel intoxicated off of their energy. It doesn't make sense, not if you try to understand it with your mind, you have to use a different method to discern the message, to understand why they are there. Chemistry is a language spoken to your soul. Bringing you all that is meant to cross your path and be a part of your life. 

I met a man who I could not communicate with very well. We did not easily speak the same language, he was from a place so different than the culture I grew up within, even his religious culture was so different than what mine was surrounded by. For some reason I was so drawn to speaking with him, even though he was reluctant with his inability to speak English with a clear understanding.   I would normally not even try, but I could not bring myself to end the conversation. In the end we were led to a conversation about this very energy that I am speaking about, we were speaking in a language of the soul. We had also both lost our fathers at the same age, and the passing of our fathers opened our eyes to something more in this world, that we didn't even believe was possible. It was probably one of the most impressive conversations about this universal conscious energy we share, because it was clearly being spoken through a source other than words. It was a defining moment for me that I cannot deny this connectedness within all of us exists. The more we open ourselves to it the stronger it will speak to us. 

Each person that comes into your energy field is an energy shaping experience. Don't resist just flow with it, let it take you where you are meant to go. You will get there wether or not you resist the message, they will just delivered so much more abrasisively when you aren't listening with something other than your mind. Relax, open your arms and fall backwards into the universe, you will float to the ground like a feather, gracefully, slowly, back and forth until you reach your destination. 

Friday, August 8, 2014

You spend time not money

Money has become such a strong entity in our modernized world today. It has unfortunately led to some very sad outcomes by means of greed. It makes you think that the piece of paper (now plastic) item that you hold in your hand is something of high value. Yes what we do with this money is exchange it for goods, or services. So we see a $100 bill, and then trade it for a pair of jeans. 

Consumerism is the belief that it is good for people to spend a lot of money on goods and services. We mass produce items and we literally have households that cyclone goods into and then right back out of their homes. It is sad, we don't value the items we purchase when we live in a consumerist mindset. We spend spend spend, and then throw away, and then spend some more. We don't value the items purchased when we spend this way. It is very wasteful, on this Earth with limited resources. 

This is not about consumerism however. It is about the time you spent on that money. The money generally came with a price itself. It came from a price of your time. When you purchase this next pair of shoes. Will you appreciate that item coming into your life? Perhaps if you ask yourself how many hours it took of your life to purchase this said item, you will put more value towards it. Instead of thinking this item costs $100 tell yourself you are trading 5, maybe even more hours of time to get this item. 5 hours of your life you are spending on that pair of shoes. If the math fits the desire then get it. 

Just remember you are not spending this silly piece of paper, you are spending your limited amount of life. Spend wisely, and remember to live <3

Tuesday, June 17, 2014

Express yourself

One important thing that I have realized is that you are in control of your own life. Now I don't mean this in terms of you control every experience you encounter. You don't determine your destiny in the sense that external influences have no power over occurring without your consent. What I mean by this is that with every action you make, every word that you utter out of your mouth, every heavy sigh, or angry moment you have is all a result of your choice. You choose, wether this choice comes your conscious mind or is a reactive response from your subconscious.

When you begin to react and live through automatic subconscious responses, you tend to be living a life that was chosen for you. This is because your subconscious mind, before you learn to really find yourself and center your true inner beliefs, is built from your childhood foundation. This is where you learned how to Be. Your growing self is made up of all the experiences you encountered, the lessons you learned, and the forced beliefs that your parents, your churchX your teachers, and your peers instilled upon your mind. These are not necessarily wrong because they were forced upon you from external sources, but it is what your first response subconscious mind will be made up of. If you only live life with that system in place, you are basically living a mechanical life, just acting out dry responses with little real thought or emotions behind it. 

If one begins to think very consciously, and really starts to live in the moment, you can begin to truly see yourself. When you start to silently observe your own actions in life, you can truly see the person you are. It would be similar to living outside of your body and peering in, truly engaging with your behaviors. 

If you tend to be very snappy by nature, and you stop to observe this behavior, and really take in the actions you took and the result that followed, you will see the impact you are making in the world. Let's say your first reaction is to become moody and defensive, or belittle someone when they ask a seemingly "dumb" question, that is who you Are. You have just become a snappy moody beeyach, and that is how people will see you on the outside world. If you stop and take a moment, look at your actions, how this reflects your inner character, and the result of what this inner character puts out into the world, then you can start to change. I'm not saying you necessarily need to change, but if you were to see a recorded version played back of what you looked like from the outside, would you feel ashamed and embarrassed? I recently watched a video that went viral on YouTube. It was a grown woman at a baseball game, standing up next to a little girl who was trying to catch an out of bounds ball. The ball landed right into this little girls hands and the woman grabbed it out of her hands. You could see the nasty greed just pouring out of her body as she ripped it away and threw her hands up in the air at the triumph. Cheering runs back to her friends as they all high five her. This woman was acting off of a response, purely reflecting her inner character. Little did she know this would later be viewed by almost a half a million people on the web. What am embarrassing character flaw to be viewed by so many people. I can only imagine the humiliation she feels now seeing how she looks from the outside. Hopefully this was a huge awakening for her to really look inside and see what energy she is putting back out into the world. 

So like I always talk about the human mind is an art of expression out into the world, either through your art, your music, the way you speak. Everything is an art, a language of human creativity. The person you choose to be is your ultimate expression of art. You are the one who makes the choice of how you act. 

Whether or not you are shy, or outgoing, you can choose to be either. I'm not saying it comes easily, or simply, but if you want to be more friendly and outgoing, start taking those physical actions in your life to make that happen. Truly be in the moment. Give someone your all. Why would you want to settle on the one aspect of your life that you have ultimate control over. 

When someone speaks to you, really listen to what they are saying, give them your true engaging attention. Look them in the eyes, smile, take time to feel their energy. Ultimately your life will feel more fulfilled. 

Since sometimes I can be quite socially awkward and shy, I have used strong observation skills to see what people that are friendly and engaging do and how they live day to day with people. I try to encorporate this into my own life, as I want to make everyone feel comfortable with me energy. Sometimes shy can come across as rude, or negative, thus making people feel a certain vibe toward you. This can throw off your perception of them as well, when both of you may be perfectly friendly people, both of your own insecurities and defenses got in the way and built up a defense wall. 

I had read a book on sales, how to break in with people, form connections with them. The mechanical way of people's day to days are as follows: "hey how are you!" "I'm fine how are you" "oh great, the weathers nice, etc" 

They tell you in these books to talk about the other person. People always love to talk about themselves. When they talk about themselves they feel good, what other topic do they know more about then themselves!? Now I understood this theory on paper. It makes sense to me, but for me to really understand a concept I really like to experience it, I like to dissect my experience down to the very center of it. I wanted to know why this happens. 

When you really start getting into someone's life, a lot of their more important thoughts and values begin to come out. I have a patient that I have now known for a couple of years, actually happens to be one of my favorite people to have conversations with, because he thinks in a very similar way to me, so when we do interact, the exchange of knowledge is enjoyable for both of us. Much more fulfilling than the usual mechanical interactions. Now even with these great conversations we have, there was still no emotional backing to these interactions. We both could probably remember about the other in passing, think to ourselves, "oh ya I really dig that persons energy, they are pretty cool, etc" but never to an intense emotional degree.  Well once you continue on with these sorts of people more heartfelt stories begin to come out as you start to trust them more and feel more comfortable talking about your "sore spots." 

The other night this patient came in, and finally a topic about his daughter not speaking to him came up. He had been through a divorce years ago, and had taken more of her mothers side, exiling her father from her life. This has caused him great pain as he obviously loves his daughter. I say with him and helped him come up with a heartfelt thing he could do for her bday. He kind of told me an idea he had for her this year, as the year before he ignored hers because she had done so to his, finding out later this hurt her feelings. He is a musician, and told me he had been writing songs about her and getting lots of positive feedback from fans. He wanted to send her over an email of the song. I suggested for him to make a flash drive and mail it to her in a pretty box instead, as something to hold in your hands can feel more special. He lit up with joy that I thought sending her the song would be an incredible idea. This made me feel incredibly happy to be able to help out another person in pain, try to fill his empty heart with a solution to his sadness. He was feeling great, very excited to get this done for his daughter. Our friendship has now been taken to a stronger level. Now when we think of one another, even if we never speak again, there will be a stronger resonance of the other person. We have now engaged on a more emotionally striking subject and it resulted in both of us tying an emotion to the other person. 

When you begin to enhance lives in this way, it enhances your own life. My life has been made significantly more happy by helping this man think of a way to speak to his daughter through his heart. He probably doesn't even know how much it touched me to be involved in such an intense emotion and to watch him be brought such great joy at the thought of this reconnection with his daughter. To be honest, I did nothing, I was not responsible for the idea, not the outcome. I was simply an open ear, he could reflect his own idea on, and get a positive reinforcement that he should proceed. I did nothing of great effort in order to have an impact on this situation. I simply listened with an open heart and mind, I gave him my full attention, I let his bounce his ideas off of me so that he was able to gather the strength he needed to go through with trying to connect with his daughter. This is something deeply important to him, but scary because there is such great potential for hurt, and rejection. Such a risk being put out there by pouring his heart into this song with the fear she will not appreciate it or think it stupid. It has given me the amazing gift back of feeling such warm happiness from helping someone out, simply by listening. He sent me a copy of the lyrics telling me he had been recording it with tears welling up as he recorded. Such a powerful moment I was allowed to share with another human being. I could feel his pain in the email, back with such great happiness and love. It was truly one of my greatest personal fulfilling moments I received from another person, yet he doesn't even know it. He doesn't need to either. This is just a happy moment I was lucky enough to have, and am now sharing this impactful moment with everyone else :-)

This is what I mean by making conscious choices to really think about what you want to put into the universe, because indefinitely this will be what comes back to you as a result. 

You have the choice to feel terrible shame for ripping the ball out of a little girls hands, the cold icy feeling of guilt pour through your body as millions of people watch this and emit negative energy towards you, or to hand over the ball and be cheered on as your soul sees how you can affect this moment in the little girls life. Ultimately this experience was a much greater impact on this child, probably a memory that she will carry with her for years and years, maybe forever. The result of the energy given to her from this adult woman. That one experience could have been changed. 

So when someone cuts you off, is it really that big of a deal to throw your negative energy back at them and keep it goin in the world? You choose whether or not to flip the guy off, curse at him, and feel straming anger rise in your blood, or to say, meh not that big of deal and brush it off. 

You choose wether you want to respond and listen to someone's story, or listen as long as you have to till they shut up and you can check your iPhone. 

Be what you want to put into the universe, it will reflect what will come back to you. 

Monday, May 5, 2014

Living for today

I am currently reading the book "The Power of Now" by Eckhart Tolle. I highly recommend reading this book for anyone struggling to find a center within themselves and balance their energy out. As stated with the title, this book encompasses the idea of living in the present. It tries to open your mind to finding a way to center yourself in the present day rather than stay stuck living in the past or hoping for the future. Living each day fully connected with yourself and your present moment allows you to fully enjoy each moment you experience for the day.

If you try to absorb all of your experiences you can feel the energy you put out into the world begin to work more effectively in creating a center within your mind. 

This would apply to really tasting your food. Focus on what the taste sensations are on your tongue. This food is what is sustaining your life, so to connect and feel what is being put in your body makes a more satisfying experience. 

When you focus on living for the now you can connect with people on a much more satisfying level. Really take the time to listen to someone, engage in their energy, and take them in as who they are. Your energy will feed off of one another and everyone around you will feel more appreciated, this will reflect back to you with the positive feelings that are given back to you from your friends, family and lovers. 

In this book they talk about a few of the negative emotions that correlate to living in the past, or hoping for the future but forgetting to actually live your life for the present day. Doing so only puts your happiness on hold, why not take that and let it start today, regardless of situations. Situations don't determine your ability to have a positive or negative outlook towards life, you are the only one in control of how you react to life. 

Living in the past: 
If one lives in the past they will be stuck with a hopeless set of problems that can never be taken back, because it has already happened. The past is concluded with absolutely no way to take it back. These would include guilt, regret, resentment, grievance, sadness, bitterness. These begin to envelope themselves into your character and determine how you feel day to day. 

Living for the future. Now this is something that I definitely do, and the most profound thing I realized today came from my ways of living for the future. From the book itself he points out that if one lives in the future you will live with feelings such as unease, anxiety, tension, stress, worry. All of these are created by living the present moment with a bad case of the "what ifs." Living for the future to bring you happiness or worrying that it will take away your happiness, means you are living and experiencing potential pain for no reason. If you live in constant fear that your partner may some day leave you, or become unfaithful to you, then everytime you go there in your head, you actually bring that reality to life, not in an actual way, but your physically feel the emotions play out as if the action were taking place in the current moment. That is adding unnecessary  pain to your mindset. You are punishing your mind for something that may or may not ever actually happen. 

This is what I realized that I am most guilty of while living for the future and not staying in the present moment. This doesn't even necessarily have anything to do with happiness, but rather it gave me a means to build excuses for myself in the present. Lets say for instance going to the gym. My boyfriend and I are trying to make it a routine goal to wake up and go to the gym. This is a very difficult task for me, and while I have been 30% successful at achieving this goal, I do keep giving my future self the responsibility of fulfilling my goal in the future. If I sleep in and miss this day, I can make up for it tomorrow, tomorrow can easily become a week, which become two weeks, which can easily lead to your goal drying up and you saying oh well I tried. Another example is I keep saying as soon as I get this area of my life, I will make sure I read all of my books, or I will focus on creating my artwork more, or I will write more in my blog, etc. When I continue to put the stipulations of once "this" then "that" I keep making excuses for myself to not complete every goal I have set for myself in my current life. Why do I have to have my car clean before I can make sure I focus on reading for 30 minutes at night before bed. This only creates a life lived full of making excuses for your lack of drive, and making yourself feel justified with those excuses. 

Obviously if you decide you would like to read this book, I don't say believe everything you read as it should be a new bible to your way of life. Read it and open your mind to creating a potential life by growing yourself as a person with new ideas to try to find a completeness to living life to its fullest potential. 

Monday, April 28, 2014

Abstract thinking

The mind is so incredible. There are so many amazing qualities the human mind is composed of. One of the most amazing things I find about the mind is the imagination. It is so free, limited to only what ones own mental blocks construct for it. It is light and airy, and you can do anything you want with it. Create a fantasy and live it out, make up a poem, create a fiction scenario and write out a story, make a melody play in your head, or think of a piece of art you would like to create.

The imagination comes from where your dreams come from, in your subconscious, abstract thinking mind. Abstraction comes from inside your mind, it can make sense to you completely no matter how crazy it is. Think of a time, you woke up from an intensely vivid dream. You felt that was your reality for that period of time, a reality that made sense. Even though you may have just had a dream your cat just tried on your skinny jeans without asking you, and you weren't upset at the fact he didn't ask you, but were upset at the fact that he looked better in them than you did. That was a dream someone just posted. In this dream it made sense, the feelings were real, but getting it out into the real world takes that realism away from it. To really get out an internal feelin or idea is actually very challenging. This is a true art. It is the art of taking abstraction and portraying it as accurately as possible into the real tangible world for others to see. It is merging the logical with mysticism. That in itself is a talent. Art, writing, music, movies, pictures, anything that is put into the world creatively is literally just a language. It is a language of translating imagination into an understandable form. Those are the best tools we have to give the world a language in order to understand what is going on inside our colorful imaginative minds. 

The more you sharpen your critical and abstract skills of the mind, the better you will be as putting the best representation of your insides out into the world for others to see and appreciate. The better you become at getting your soul out there, the more beneficial that is to humanity as a whole. 

People work together to evolve on all levels. When one comes up with a technology to fulfill a task that frees us up to evolve more on top of that. If we always do our best to get our thoughts, the representation of our very souls, out into the universe, then we will always be adding useful information for people to mix with their own creativity and evolve themselves. 

Ok now I am rambling, I can't even remember where I was going with that one... To be continued....
Perfect example of witnessing in real time how my mind was working from the inside, you just saw my mind work so fast I couldn't keep up with it and lost it, and no way am I going back to read my own writing right now.

Saturday, December 28, 2013

One of those movie type embarrassments....

So I have never been the type of girl that was blessed with that awesome flawless gracefulness. Basically I hated playing dodgeball because I was the one that would get hit in the face with the ball. In school I would have those awkward moments that I always step in gum, or slipped in ice, or spilled a drink down my shirt. I even sat in dog fecal matter in the park on a field trip, setting the rest of the trip up for me waiting in misery for it to be over. I just have that anti luck charm about me. I am a terrible for Vegas tables, the further away I stand, the more money you will win. Lets just say, that I live an interesting live, and all the humiliations that were gifted to me have seasoned me for the ultimate embarrassing moment I have experienced in my life thus far....

I am spending a quality day with my best friend. We are running errands in the company of one another. I am looking to buy a new car, so we go out and test drive a Prius, then head to the automotive shop for items to clean my own car, and then we head to our friends reptile store. We get to the snake shop, and are just engaged with all the cool new snakes and lizards they have on display. We are playing with the gigantic freely running iguana, and make our way over to the wall of baby snakes. This is a wall with small tanks stacked on top of each other up to the ceiling. We lock eyesight on this tiny baby rainbow boa, and both of us bend over to peer into the tank. This bending action that I took place in, requires basically a full 90 degree bend at the hips for me to easily see into the tank. Jeremiah, our friend and owner of this store walks into the room, and casually asks me, "hey, uhhhh, did you know you have a rip in your shorts?" Let me repeat this is as I am fully bent over peering into the tanks. I stand up, reply "no," and begin to guide my hands to the back of my shorts to better understand what he is speaking of. I am expecting to have a tear, maybe it got caught on a nail and snagged type of tear. To my shocking surprise I feel a completely bare asses, entire length, crack of my butt.

 Now I think butt cracks are absolutely hilarious. When I see them hanging out of peoples pants, I always wish I could sneak a photo and instagram that hilarious sight. This was was no exception. I laughed so hard I was crying, half out of obvious embarrassment, and half because I was so happy to have witnessed such an epic ass tear, even if it was at the expense of my own dignity.

Now here it is, the photo you have been waiting for. It would have been selfish of me to not take a photo for all of the rest of the virtual world to experience laughter at this perfect set up of humiliation.


Now first things first, you may look at the photo and ask "how did I not feel this" Well that my friends is left to one of those strange un-answerable mysteries of the universe. I ask myself the exact same question. I don't know how I was able to one, not feel this start ripping apart, and two, not feel a cool breeze. It was an incredibly hot day, so maybe subconsciously my body was just feeling cooler, so disregarded and said breezes I should have been feeling.

The other horrible part to this is I really have no idea how long I was sporting this ass-less short look. Test driving cars, automotive shop, really have no idea. Those were brand new shorts, and the first time I had worn them... I really loved those shorts....

Friday, December 27, 2013

Insecurities

In today's world, we are highly influenced by the media. I don't watch television much any longer, and have not owned one for over 5 years now. I actually kind of forget that it exists. I am still subjected to advertising, billboards, internet, etc. it surrounds all of us today. Growing up in small towns of Colorado, I wasn't quite as aware of the power that the media held over my personal opinions of life and even my own body image.

Coming out to Los Angeles, and seeing the way that television and movies work life suddenly looks a lot clearer than I had previously known it to be. Something in particular I realized is we are a society the bases self worth completely on fear and competition. Now what I mean in particular with this statement is this, the damned girls that play teenagers in movies are almost in their twenties or are already in their early twenties. So all this time I would envy these movie stars wondering why I didn't look like them as a small scrawny teen was a matter of illusion. Me at 16 didn't look like them, because they weren't 16, they were 20-23. That is a lot of growth and development to take place in those few years. That being said the physical stipulations put on people in today's world are actually quite disgusting. 

Now let me take some time to differentiate what I mean by being shallow about someone's looks. It is not shallow to desire having a partner you find to be attractive. In order to have a romantic relationship one must feel a physical attraction towards their partner or it is just a friendship. A friendship is upgraded to relationship status when their is physical chemistry. So obviously there is nothing wrong with having physical attraction towards people you will seek out in life to be with. The shallowness comes from solely seeking out physical attributes, which I put in the same category as seeking out money in a relationship. 

In life we all go through the darker sides of the spectrum and feel feelings like anger, jealousy, envy, resentment. These feelings, as everyone can agree, make you feel nasty inside. No person ever said feeling jealous made them feel like they were beaming with happiness. These are all a fear based reaction to personal insecurities or unhappiness.

The competitive nature of humans is not something to be ashamed of, this competitiveness exists throughout all species. This is fundamentally where survival of the fittest comes into play. The strongest, and healthy specimens are the ones that will survive, and procreate. In humans this is not necessarily the case any longer as we have such things as doctors that save lives and stuff. In any case, my point is that competition ensures survival. However we have such a false sense of what defines one's self worth, such as beauty, or having pretty shiny things, or just more things, or having bigger boobs, or lips, or smaller waists to the point people put their actual health at risk, or bigger biceps so people start injecting themselves with more growth hormones. All of this, just to keep up with the competition. And why is this we ask ourselves? Is it because our neighbors have amazing perfect bodies? Probably not. They probably all have hidden stretch marks, or are missing a testicle, or their faces are oily, or their butt sags a little. For the general public, perfection does not really exist. The problem is we are all being shown in the media that perfection exists. Honestly, have you seen most of the models in person that you are wishing you looked like? Probably not. So we strive for something that is not real. We are in an ongoing competition with a fantasy.

This is extremely dangerous to the fundamental happiness of humanity. This leads to envy of your neighbor's new tiny sculpted nose. Unbeknownst to us, they now think that their eye slant doesn't match their nose, and their lips need to fill up a little bit in order to accommodate the proportion of their facial features. Your car will never be good enough, if your neighbor's car is newer. Or their Xmas tree is shinier. This type of competition is in place at a false sense of satisfaction. This cycle never ends.



Now don't get me wrong, I love shiny pink things being displayed on a perfectly bodied beautiful woman as much as the next. But remember that their looks don't define their worth as a person. To find contentment with oneself, you have to seek a calm within yourself. Don't envy others for what you do not have. Remember this is all an illusion. Just like my 16 year old self, wondering why I didn't look like the girls in the movies, and for that matter, why didn't all the girls in my school look like them yet? Because that reality just doesn't exist. People lose sight of fantasy and try to make that their reality. And that makes as much sense as believing that a talking unicorn will come to you in the middle of the night and fly in the clouds with you under the moonlight.