Friday, August 8, 2014

You spend time not money

Money has become such a strong entity in our modernized world today. It has unfortunately led to some very sad outcomes by means of greed. It makes you think that the piece of paper (now plastic) item that you hold in your hand is something of high value. Yes what we do with this money is exchange it for goods, or services. So we see a $100 bill, and then trade it for a pair of jeans. 

Consumerism is the belief that it is good for people to spend a lot of money on goods and services. We mass produce items and we literally have households that cyclone goods into and then right back out of their homes. It is sad, we don't value the items we purchase when we live in a consumerist mindset. We spend spend spend, and then throw away, and then spend some more. We don't value the items purchased when we spend this way. It is very wasteful, on this Earth with limited resources. 

This is not about consumerism however. It is about the time you spent on that money. The money generally came with a price itself. It came from a price of your time. When you purchase this next pair of shoes. Will you appreciate that item coming into your life? Perhaps if you ask yourself how many hours it took of your life to purchase this said item, you will put more value towards it. Instead of thinking this item costs $100 tell yourself you are trading 5, maybe even more hours of time to get this item. 5 hours of your life you are spending on that pair of shoes. If the math fits the desire then get it. 

Just remember you are not spending this silly piece of paper, you are spending your limited amount of life. Spend wisely, and remember to live <3

Saturday, December 28, 2013

One of those movie type embarrassments....

So I have never been the type of girl that was blessed with that awesome flawless gracefulness. Basically I hated playing dodgeball because I was the one that would get hit in the face with the ball. In school I would have those awkward moments that I always step in gum, or slipped in ice, or spilled a drink down my shirt. I even sat in dog fecal matter in the park on a field trip, setting the rest of the trip up for me waiting in misery for it to be over. I just have that anti luck charm about me. I am a terrible for Vegas tables, the further away I stand, the more money you will win. Lets just say, that I live an interesting live, and all the humiliations that were gifted to me have seasoned me for the ultimate embarrassing moment I have experienced in my life thus far....

I am spending a quality day with my best friend. We are running errands in the company of one another. I am looking to buy a new car, so we go out and test drive a Prius, then head to the automotive shop for items to clean my own car, and then we head to our friends reptile store. We get to the snake shop, and are just engaged with all the cool new snakes and lizards they have on display. We are playing with the gigantic freely running iguana, and make our way over to the wall of baby snakes. This is a wall with small tanks stacked on top of each other up to the ceiling. We lock eyesight on this tiny baby rainbow boa, and both of us bend over to peer into the tank. This bending action that I took place in, requires basically a full 90 degree bend at the hips for me to easily see into the tank. Jeremiah, our friend and owner of this store walks into the room, and casually asks me, "hey, uhhhh, did you know you have a rip in your shorts?" Let me repeat this is as I am fully bent over peering into the tanks. I stand up, reply "no," and begin to guide my hands to the back of my shorts to better understand what he is speaking of. I am expecting to have a tear, maybe it got caught on a nail and snagged type of tear. To my shocking surprise I feel a completely bare asses, entire length, crack of my butt.

 Now I think butt cracks are absolutely hilarious. When I see them hanging out of peoples pants, I always wish I could sneak a photo and instagram that hilarious sight. This was was no exception. I laughed so hard I was crying, half out of obvious embarrassment, and half because I was so happy to have witnessed such an epic ass tear, even if it was at the expense of my own dignity.

Now here it is, the photo you have been waiting for. It would have been selfish of me to not take a photo for all of the rest of the virtual world to experience laughter at this perfect set up of humiliation.

Now first things first, you may look at the photo and ask "how did I not feel this" Well that my friends is left to one of those strange un-answerable mysteries of the universe. I ask myself the exact same question. I don't know how I was able to one, not feel this start ripping apart, and two, not feel a cool breeze. It was an incredibly hot day, so maybe subconsciously my body was just feeling cooler, so disregarded and said breezes I should have been feeling.

The other horrible part to this is I really have no idea how long I was sporting this ass-less short look. Test driving cars, automotive shop, really have no idea. Those were brand new shorts, and the first time I had worn them... I really loved those shorts....

Friday, December 27, 2013


In today's world, we are highly influenced by the media. I don't watch television much any longer, and have not owned one for over 5 years now. I actually kind of forget that it exists. I am still subjected to advertising, billboards, internet, etc. it surrounds all of us today. Growing up in small towns of Colorado, I wasn't quite as aware of the power that the media held over my personal opinions of life and even my own body image.

Coming out to Los Angeles, and seeing the way that television and movies work life suddenly looks a lot clearer than I had previously known it to be. Something in particular I realized is we are a society the bases self worth completely on fear and competition. Now what I mean in particular with this statement is this, the damned girls that play teenagers in movies are almost in their twenties or are already in their early twenties. So all this time I would envy these movie stars wondering why I didn't look like them as a small scrawny teen was a matter of illusion. Me at 16 didn't look like them, because they weren't 16, they were 20-23. That is a lot of growth and development to take place in those few years. That being said the physical stipulations put on people in today's world are actually quite disgusting. 

Now let me take some time to differentiate what I mean by being shallow about someone's looks. It is not shallow to desire having a partner you find to be attractive. In order to have a romantic relationship one must feel a physical attraction towards their partner or it is just a friendship. A friendship is upgraded to relationship status when their is physical chemistry. So obviously there is nothing wrong with having physical attraction towards people you will seek out in life to be with. The shallowness comes from solely seeking out physical attributes, which I put in the same category as seeking out money in a relationship. 

In life we all go through the darker sides of the spectrum and feel feelings like anger, jealousy, envy, resentment. These feelings, as everyone can agree, make you feel nasty inside. No person ever said feeling jealous made them feel like they were beaming with happiness. These are all a fear based reaction to personal insecurities or unhappiness.

The competitive nature of humans is not something to be ashamed of, this competitiveness exists throughout all species. This is fundamentally where survival of the fittest comes into play. The strongest, and healthy specimens are the ones that will survive, and procreate. In humans this is not necessarily the case any longer as we have such things as doctors that save lives and stuff. In any case, my point is that competition ensures survival. However we have such a false sense of what defines one's self worth, such as beauty, or having pretty shiny things, or just more things, or having bigger boobs, or lips, or smaller waists to the point people put their actual health at risk, or bigger biceps so people start injecting themselves with more growth hormones. All of this, just to keep up with the competition. And why is this we ask ourselves? Is it because our neighbors have amazing perfect bodies? Probably not. They probably all have hidden stretch marks, or are missing a testicle, or their faces are oily, or their butt sags a little. For the general public, perfection does not really exist. The problem is we are all being shown in the media that perfection exists. Honestly, have you seen most of the models in person that you are wishing you looked like? Probably not. So we strive for something that is not real. We are in an ongoing competition with a fantasy.

This is extremely dangerous to the fundamental happiness of humanity. This leads to envy of your neighbor's new tiny sculpted nose. Unbeknownst to us, they now think that their eye slant doesn't match their nose, and their lips need to fill up a little bit in order to accommodate the proportion of their facial features. Your car will never be good enough, if your neighbor's car is newer. Or their Xmas tree is shinier. This type of competition is in place at a false sense of satisfaction. This cycle never ends.

Now don't get me wrong, I love shiny pink things being displayed on a perfectly bodied beautiful woman as much as the next. But remember that their looks don't define their worth as a person. To find contentment with oneself, you have to seek a calm within yourself. Don't envy others for what you do not have. Remember this is all an illusion. Just like my 16 year old self, wondering why I didn't look like the girls in the movies, and for that matter, why didn't all the girls in my school look like them yet? Because that reality just doesn't exist. People lose sight of fantasy and try to make that their reality. And that makes as much sense as believing that a talking unicorn will come to you in the middle of the night and fly in the clouds with you under the moonlight. 

Wednesday, December 18, 2013

Lets talk about SEX

As I have gone through life, I have fit right into that new tradition of not waiting till marriage to sleep with my boyfriend...Please forgive me oh sacred peoples of the universe....

This being said, there is some benefit to sticking with this tradition. Although I don't recommend using this newly found tradition too soon, that leads to a whole other mess in itself. Here I will talk about my personal
opinions on sex.

* Sex too soon (I'm talking like first date kind of sex)

* Sex before marriage

* Sex after marriage

First things first. I feel that sex is an extremely important component to a relationship. I mean, seriously sexual chemistry is what makes a really good friendship stay as really good friends, or become lovers. Obviously if there is not a mutual sexual attraction towards one another, then there is no room for a relationship. I find our current society to be extremely uncomfortable about the topic of sexual intimacy. If a girl is into sex, she is a dirty whore. If a guy is into sex, he is a stud, but would never admit it to anyone in a place of respect and authority (like lets say one's parents). All of this is really beside the point, what I am saying, is that we are uptight babies when someone talks about sex. To me I see that as just a bunch of close minded BS. But hey that is just me. I find sex to be a very fascinating topic, and further more, sex sells right? If it didn't have such a strong influence on people, then why would they still be using this as a marketing platform? They wouldn't. It is very healthy for you to explore and connect with your body, personally, and to explore your sexuality with your partner.

You can really tell a WHOLE lot about a person's inner character through the act of sex. There is a huge dynamic of things that people are now into these days. This is not really where my topic of discussion has any relevance so I won't go there. However, in a basic way, let's just say very basic, you can tell you selfish a man (or woman, but generally a man) is through the way they make love to you.

Being a woman, I have been subjected to my fair share of extremely selfish A-holes through a direct result of having poor taste in men. I will be focusing primarily on a woman's perspective, because lets face it, I have no idea how to write on the other end of the spectrum, as I am not a man. Some men have incredibly selfish sex. They have sex for themselves, and they do not engage in their partners needs, and leave it as they just have a hard time, sucks to be them. This kind of sex is very robotic. As far as I have seen, they also tend to put themselves first in life situations as well. They don't empathize with their partners needs, or have any desire to fulfill them if they did. They are taken care of, and that is all that matters. So ladies, one must ask, do you really want to jail yourself to a selfish lover? 

The issue of having sex too early, is a topic that can generally be talked about with most of the people in my generation. We have become a society that is instant gratification based. This can generally lead to having sex too soon. Now this isn't always a bad thing. However, when you have sex with a person, as a woman, you release oxytocin. This chemical that is released forms a mental attachment towards the said person you just had sex with. This is dangerous mostly because this alone can mentally jail you to a complete jerk. You had sex with them too soon, now you are attached to them, and you can't even put your finger on it as to why you are so attached. They don't call, they don't text back, they don't take you on dates, and yet for some reason you still just long for affection from them. This is purely a trick of the brain, and the reason why sex too early in a relationship can be dangerous. Lets say said jerk off finally starts to answer calls and regularly come around. You now could be misplacing your physical lusting for love. You really feel like there is love, but in reality all you have is sex. You don't have similar interests, you don't have great conversations, you basically just have sex. This is the thing you have to really look at and make sure you are not misplacing your feelings of lust for the love of your life, because honestly what a waste of life that could end up becoming! 

Now I am not telling anyone to wait and have sex after marriage, because I guess there is that whole saying of practice what you preach... I feel like having sex can further help define your relationship with your partner. Like I said earlier, you need that chemistry in order to have a healthy romantic relationship. I don't think that expressing yourself sexually before marriage causes harm. It can lead to extremely beautiful relationship strengthening. If you begin to take the mechanical sex act that many people tend to get into the routine, and think of this as a dance of your inner souls, things can start to get very personally deep with your partner. If you flow with the energy of both of your minds, and you really focus on the connection, then people's relationships can become very enlightened. It is like a whole energy field that cycles through one's mind, and bodies. 

Generally speaking, this connection will not be felt by the lusting couple that had sex too early. This type of sex is not typically possible for people who have not established a mental bond and connection. So it is important to still not mistake this for that lusting feeling one may have from becoming attached to a partner through the physical means of sex. When they talk about the fact you must be able to have a conversation with your partner in order to have a strong long lasting relationship, that is true. You could not experience this type of sex, if you or your partner is not mentally connected with the other. This type of sex requires that connection first, and it also requires that you have not landed yourself with one of those selfish jerk lovers I talked about previously. 

Now to the sex after marriage part of this topic. Just like I am not a man, I cannot speak for the whole waiting till marriage. Personally to me, that sounds like a terrible idea. I don't want any surprises in my sex life after I have legally bound myself to my partner til death do us part! 


Thursday, November 7, 2013

My boyfriend is so cute....I am so lucky

Your words are like a symphony strumming my ears with love.  I the composer draw my bow across the strings to try and match your ballad, but fail to express the elation and wholeness you bring my heart.  Three words try to express how I feel, but not even the most didactic philosopher could capture this emotion with their wisdom.  I am a peasant and you are my queen.  The power you wield over my love is supreme and total.  I could write you rhymes.  I could write you songs.  Find love in these lines. Know my virtue isn’t wrong.  Sweet lady that has captured me completely, speak to thy victor and grant him the spoils of your lips.  I would wish upon a star to hold you closer when we sleep, but I know it wouldn’t be close enough.  Your warmth radiates likes the sun and envelopes this soul.  Carry me to the heavens as your skin touches mine.  I’ll love your forever my twitter girl hashtag divine.

Friday, September 27, 2013

Express yourself

One important thing that I have realized is that you are in control of your own life. Now I don't mean this in terms of you control every experience you encounter. You don't determine your destiny in the sense that external influences have no power over occurring without your consent. What I mean by this is that with every action you make, every word that you utter out of your mouth, every heavy sigh, or angry moment you have is all a result of your choice. You choose, wether this choice comes your conscious mind or is a reactive response from your subconscious. 

When you begin to react and live through automatic subconscious responses, you tend to be living a life that was chosen for you. This is because your subconscious mind, before you learn to really find yourself and center your true inner beliefs, is built from your childhood foundation. This is where you learned how to Be. Your growing self is made up of all the experiences you encountered, the lessons you learned, and the forced beliefs that your parents, your churchX your teachers, and your peers instilled upon your mind. These are not necessarily wrong because they were forced upon you from external sources, but it is what your first response subconscious mind will be made up of. If you only live life with that system in place, you are basically living a mechanical life, just acting out dry responses with little real thought or emotions behind it. 

If one begins to think very consciously, and really starts to live in the moment, you can begin to truly see yourself. When you start to silently observe your own actions in life, you can truly see the person you are. It would be similar to living outside of your body and peering in, truly engaging with your behaviors. 

If you tend to be very snappy by nature, and you stop to observe this behavior, and really take in the actions you took and the result that followed, you will see the impact you are making in the world. Let's say your first reaction is to become moody and defensive, or belittle someone when they ask a seemingly "dumb" question, that is who you Are. You have just become a snappy moody beeyach, and that is how people will see you on the outside world. If you stop and take a moment, look at your actions, how this reflects your inner character, and the result of what this inner character puts out into the world, then you can start to change. I'm not saying you necessarily need to change, but if you were to see a recorded version played back of what you looked like from the outside, would you feel ashamed and embarrassed? I recently watched a video that went viral on YouTube. It was a grown woman at a baseball game, standing up next to a little girl who was trying to catch an out of bounds ball. The ball landed right into this little girls hands and the woman grabbed it out of her hands. You could see the nasty greed just pouring out of her body as she ripped it away and threw her hands up in the air at the triumph. Cheering runs back to her friends as they all high five her. This woman was acting off of a response, purely reflecting her inner character. Little did she know this would later be viewed by almost a half a million people on the web. What am embarrassing character flaw to be viewed by so many people. I can only imagine the humiliation she feels now seeing how she looks from the outside. Hopefully this was a huge awakening for her to really look inside and see what energy she is putting back out into the world. 

So like I always talk about the human mind is an art of expression out into the world, either through your art, your music, the way you speak. Everything is an art, a language of human creativity. The person you choose to be is your ultimate expression of art. You are the one who makes the choice of how you act. 

Whether or not you are shy, or outgoing, you can choose to be either. I'm not saying it comes easily, or simply, but if you want to be more friendly and outgoing, start taking those physical actions in your life to make that happen. Truly be in the moment. Give someone your all. Why would you want to settle on the one aspect of your life that you have ultimate control over. 

When someone speaks to you, really listen to what they are saying, give them your true engaging attention. Look them in the eyes, smile, take time to feel their energy. Ultimately your life will feel more fulfilled. 

Since sometimes I can be quite socially awkward and shy, I have used strong observation skills to see what people that are friendly and engaging do and how they live day to day with people. I try to encorporate this into my own life, as I want to make everyone feel comfortable with me energy. Sometimes shy can come across as rude, or negative, thus making people feel a certain vibe toward you. This can throw off your perception of them as well, when both of you may be perfectly friendly people, both of your own insecurities and defenses got in the way and built up a defense wall. 

I had read a book on sales, how to break in with people, form connections with them. The mechanical way of people's day to days are as follows: "hey how are you!" "I'm fine how are you" "oh great, the weathers nice, etc" 

They tell you in these books to talk about the other person. People always love to talk about themselves. When they talk about themselves they feel good, what other topic do they know more about then themselves!? Now I understood this theory on paper. It makes sense to me, but for me to really understand a concept I really like to experience it, I like to dissect my experience down to the very center of it. I wanted to know why this happens. 

When you really start getting into someone's life, a lot of their more important thoughts and values begin to come out. I have a patient that I have now known for a couple of years, actually happens to be one of my favorite people to have conversations with, because he thinks in a very similar way to me, so when we do interact, the exchange of knowledge is enjoyable for both of us. Much more fulfilling than the usual mechanical interactions. Now even with these great conversations we have, there was still no emotional backing to these interactions. We both could probably remember about the other in passing, think to ourselves, "oh ya I really dig that persons energy, they are pretty cool, etc" but never to an intense emotional degree.  Well once you continue on with these sorts of people more heartfelt stories begin to come out as you start to trust them more and feel more comfortable talking about your "sore spots." 

The other night this patient came in, and finally a topic about his daughter not speaking to him came up. He had been through a divorce years ago, and had taken more of her mothers side, exiling her father from her life. This has caused him great pain as he obviously loves his daughter. I say with him and helped him come up with a heartfelt thing he could do for her bday. He kind of told me an idea he had for her this year, as the year before he ignored hers because she had done so to his, finding out later this hurt her feelings. He is a musician, and told me he had been writing songs about her and getting lots of positive feedback from fans. He wanted to send her over an email of the song. I suggested for him to make a flash drive and mail it to her in a pretty box instead, as something to hold in your hands can feel more special. He lit up with joy that I thought sending her the song would be an incredible idea. This made me feel incredibly happy to be able to help out another person in pain, try to fill his empty heart with a solution to his sadness. He was feeling great, very excited to get this done for his daughter. Our friendship has now been taken to a stronger level. Now when we think of one another, even if we never speak again, there will be a stronger resonance of the other person. We have now engaged on a more emotionally striking subject and it resulted in both of us tying an emotion to the other person. 

When you begin to enhance lives in this way, it enhances your own life. My life has been made significantly more happy by helping this man think of a way to speak to his daughter through his heart. He probably doesn't even know how much it touched me to be involved in such an intense emotion and to watch him be brought such great joy at the thought of this reconnection with his daughter. To be honest, I did nothing, I was not responsible for the idea, not the outcome. I was simply an open ear, he could reflect his own idea on, and get a positive reinforcement that he should proceed. I did nothing of great effort in order to have an impact on this situation. I simply listened with an open heart and mind, I gave him my full attention, I let his bounce his ideas off of me so that he was able to gather the strength he needed to go through with trying to connect with his daughter. This is something deeply important to him, but scary because there is such great potential for hurt, and rejection. Such a risk being put out there by pouring his heart into this song with the fear she will not appreciate it or think it stupid. It has given me the amazing gift back of feeling such warm happiness from helping someone out, simply by listening. He sent me a copy of the lyrics telling me he had been recording it with tears welling up as he recorded. Such a powerful moment I was allowed to share with another human being. I could feel his pain in the email, back with such great happiness and love. It was truly one of my greatest personal fulfilling moments I received from another person, yet he doesn't even know it. He doesn't need to either. This is just a happy moment I was lucky enough to have, and am now sharing this impactful moment with everyone else :-)

This is what I mean by making conscious choices to really think about what you want to put into the universe, because indefinitely this will be what comes back to you as a result. 

You have the choice to feel terrible shame for ripping the ball out of a little girls hands, the cold icy feeling of guilt pour through your body as millions of people watch this and emit negative energy towards you, or to hand over the ball and be cheered on as your soul sees how you can affect this moment in the little girls life. Ultimately this experience was a much greater impact on this child, probably a memory that she will carry with her for years and years, maybe forever. The result of the energy given to her from this adult woman. That one experience could have been changed. 

So when someone cuts you off, is it really that big of a deal to throw your negative energy back at them and keep it goin in the world? You choose whether or not to flip the guy off, curse at him, and feel straming anger rise in your blood, or to say, meh not that big of deal and brush it off. 

You choose wether you want to respond and listen to someone's story, or listen as long as you have to till they shut up and you can check your iPhone. 

Be what you want to put into the universe, it will reflect what will come back to you. 

Friday, September 20, 2013

Abstract thinking

The mind is so incredible. There are so many amazing qualities the human mind is composed of. One of the most amazing things I find about the mind is the imagination. It is so free, limited to only what ones own mental blocks construct for it. It is light and airy, and you can do anything you want with it. Create a fantasy and live it out, make up a poem, create a fiction scenario and write out a story, make a melody play in your head, or think of a piece of art you would like to create. 

The imagination comes from where your dreams come from, in your subconscious, abstract thinking mind. Abstraction comes from inside your mind, it can make sense to you completely no matter how crazy it is. Think of a time, you woke up from an intensely vivid dream. You felt that was your reality for that period of time, a reality that made sense. Even though you may have just had a dream your cat just tried on your skinny jeans without asking you, and you weren't upset at the fact he didn't ask you, but were upset at the fact that he looked better in them than you did. That was a dream someone just posted. In this dream it made sense, the feelings were real, but getting it out into the real world takes that realism away from it. To really get out an internal feelin or idea is actually very challenging. This is a true art. It is the art of taking abstraction and portraying it as accurately as possible into the real tangible world for others to see. It is merging the logical with mysticism. That in itself is a talent. Art, writing, music, movies, pictures, anything that is put into the world creatively is literally just a language. It is a language of translating imagination into an understandable form. Those are the best tools we have to give the world a language in order to understand what is going on inside our colorful imaginative minds. 

The more you sharpen your critical and abstract skills of the mind, the better you will be as putting the best representation of your insides out into the world for others to see and appreciate. The better you become at getting your soul out there, the more beneficial that is to humanity as a whole. 

People work together to evolve on all levels. When one comes up with a technology to fulfill a task that frees us up to evolve more on top of that. If we always do our best to get our thoughts, the representation of our very souls, out into the universe, then we will always be adding useful information for people to mix with their own creativity and evolve themselves. 

Ok now I am rambling, I can't even remember where I was going with that one... To be continued....
Perfect example of witnessing in real time how my mind was working from the inside, you just saw my mind work so fast I couldn't keep up with it and lost it, and no way am I going back to read my own writing right now.