When you begin to react and live through automatic subconscious responses, you tend to be living a life that was chosen for you. This is because your subconscious mind, before you learn to really find yourself and center your true inner beliefs, is built from your childhood foundation. This is where you learned how to Be. Your growing self is made up of all the experiences you encountered, the lessons you learned, and the forced beliefs that your parents, your churchX your teachers, and your peers instilled upon your mind. These are not necessarily wrong because they were forced upon you from external sources, but it is what your first response subconscious mind will be made up of. If you only live life with that system in place, you are basically living a mechanical life, just acting out dry responses with little real thought or emotions behind it.
If one begins to think very consciously, and really starts to live in the moment, you can begin to truly see yourself. When you start to silently observe your own actions in life, you can truly see the person you are. It would be similar to living outside of your body and peering in, truly engaging with your behaviors.
If you tend to be very snappy by nature, and you stop to observe this behavior, and really take in the actions you took and the result that followed, you will see the impact you are making in the world. Let's say your first reaction is to become moody and defensive, or belittle someone when they ask a seemingly "dumb" question, that is who you Are. You have just become a snappy moody beeyach, and that is how people will see you on the outside world. If you stop and take a moment, look at your actions, how this reflects your inner character, and the result of what this inner character puts out into the world, then you can start to change. I'm not saying you necessarily need to change, but if you were to see a recorded version played back of what you looked like from the outside, would you feel ashamed and embarrassed? I recently watched a video that went viral on YouTube. It was a grown woman at a baseball game, standing up next to a little girl who was trying to catch an out of bounds ball. The ball landed right into this little girls hands and the woman grabbed it out of her hands. You could see the nasty greed just pouring out of her body as she ripped it away and threw her hands up in the air at the triumph. Cheering runs back to her friends as they all high five her. This woman was acting off of a response, purely reflecting her inner character. Little did she know this would later be viewed by almost a half a million people on the web. What am embarrassing character flaw to be viewed by so many people. I can only imagine the humiliation she feels now seeing how she looks from the outside. Hopefully this was a huge awakening for her to really look inside and see what energy she is putting back out into the world.
So like I always talk about the human mind is an art of expression out into the world, either through your art, your music, the way you speak. Everything is an art, a language of human creativity. The person you choose to be is your ultimate expression of art. You are the one who makes the choice of how you act.
Whether or not you are shy, or outgoing, you can choose to be either. I'm not saying it comes easily, or simply, but if you want to be more friendly and outgoing, start taking those physical actions in your life to make that happen. Truly be in the moment. Give someone your all. Why would you want to settle on the one aspect of your life that you have ultimate control over.
When someone speaks to you, really listen to what they are saying, give them your true engaging attention. Look them in the eyes, smile, take time to feel their energy. Ultimately your life will feel more fulfilled.
Since sometimes I can be quite socially awkward and shy, I have used strong observation skills to see what people that are friendly and engaging do and how they live day to day with people. I try to encorporate this into my own life, as I want to make everyone feel comfortable with me energy. Sometimes shy can come across as rude, or negative, thus making people feel a certain vibe toward you. This can throw off your perception of them as well, when both of you may be perfectly friendly people, both of your own insecurities and defenses got in the way and built up a defense wall.
I had read a book on sales, how to break in with people, form connections with them. The mechanical way of people's day to days are as follows: "hey how are you!" "I'm fine how are you" "oh great, the weathers nice, etc"
They tell you in these books to talk about the other person. People always love to talk about themselves. When they talk about themselves they feel good, what other topic do they know more about then themselves!? Now I understood this theory on paper. It makes sense to me, but for me to really understand a concept I really like to experience it, I like to dissect my experience down to the very center of it. I wanted to know why this happens.
When you really start getting into someone's life, a lot of their more important thoughts and values begin to come out. I have a patient that I have now known for a couple of years, actually happens to be one of my favorite people to have conversations with, because he thinks in a very similar way to me, so when we do interact, the exchange of knowledge is enjoyable for both of us. Much more fulfilling than the usual mechanical interactions. Now even with these great conversations we have, there was still no emotional backing to these interactions. We both could probably remember about the other in passing, think to ourselves, "oh ya I really dig that persons energy, they are pretty cool, etc" but never to an intense emotional degree. Well once you continue on with these sorts of people more heartfelt stories begin to come out as you start to trust them more and feel more comfortable talking about your "sore spots."
The other night this patient came in, and finally a topic about his daughter not speaking to him came up. He had been through a divorce years ago, and had taken more of her mothers side, exiling her father from her life. This has caused him great pain as he obviously loves his daughter. I say with him and helped him come up with a heartfelt thing he could do for her bday. He kind of told me an idea he had for her this year, as the year before he ignored hers because she had done so to his, finding out later this hurt her feelings. He is a musician, and told me he had been writing songs about her and getting lots of positive feedback from fans. He wanted to send her over an email of the song. I suggested for him to make a flash drive and mail it to her in a pretty box instead, as something to hold in your hands can feel more special. He lit up with joy that I thought sending her the song would be an incredible idea. This made me feel incredibly happy to be able to help out another person in pain, try to fill his empty heart with a solution to his sadness. He was feeling great, very excited to get this done for his daughter. Our friendship has now been taken to a stronger level. Now when we think of one another, even if we never speak again, there will be a stronger resonance of the other person. We have now engaged on a more emotionally striking subject and it resulted in both of us tying an emotion to the other person.
When you begin to enhance lives in this way, it enhances your own life. My life has been made significantly more happy by helping this man think of a way to speak to his daughter through his heart. He probably doesn't even know how much it touched me to be involved in such an intense emotion and to watch him be brought such great joy at the thought of this reconnection with his daughter. To be honest, I did nothing, I was not responsible for the idea, not the outcome. I was simply an open ear, he could reflect his own idea on, and get a positive reinforcement that he should proceed. I did nothing of great effort in order to have an impact on this situation. I simply listened with an open heart and mind, I gave him my full attention, I let his bounce his ideas off of me so that he was able to gather the strength he needed to go through with trying to connect with his daughter. This is something deeply important to him, but scary because there is such great potential for hurt, and rejection. Such a risk being put out there by pouring his heart into this song with the fear she will not appreciate it or think it stupid. It has given me the amazing gift back of feeling such warm happiness from helping someone out, simply by listening. He sent me a copy of the lyrics telling me he had been recording it with tears welling up as he recorded. Such a powerful moment I was allowed to share with another human being. I could feel his pain in the email, back with such great happiness and love. It was truly one of my greatest personal fulfilling moments I received from another person, yet he doesn't even know it. He doesn't need to either. This is just a happy moment I was lucky enough to have, and am now sharing this impactful moment with everyone else :-)
This is what I mean by making conscious choices to really think about what you want to put into the universe, because indefinitely this will be what comes back to you as a result.
You have the choice to feel terrible shame for ripping the ball out of a little girls hands, the cold icy feeling of guilt pour through your body as millions of people watch this and emit negative energy towards you, or to hand over the ball and be cheered on as your soul sees how you can affect this moment in the little girls life. Ultimately this experience was a much greater impact on this child, probably a memory that she will carry with her for years and years, maybe forever. The result of the energy given to her from this adult woman. That one experience could have been changed.
So when someone cuts you off, is it really that big of a deal to throw your negative energy back at them and keep it goin in the world? You choose whether or not to flip the guy off, curse at him, and feel straming anger rise in your blood, or to say, meh not that big of deal and brush it off.
You choose wether you want to respond and listen to someone's story, or listen as long as you have to till they shut up and you can check your iPhone.
Be what you want to put into the universe, it will reflect what will come back to you.
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