One of those movie type embarrassments....

So I have never been the type of girl that was blessed with that awesome flawless gracefulness. Basically I hated playing dodgeball because I was the one that would get hit in the face with the ball. In school I would have those awkward moments that I always step in gum, or slipped in ice, or spilled a drink down my shirt. I even sat in dog fecal matter in the park on a field trip, setting the rest of the trip up for me waiting in misery for it to be over. I just have that anti luck charm about me. I am a terrible for Vegas tables, the further away I stand, the more money you will win. Lets just say, that I live an interesting live, and all the humiliations that were gifted to me have seasoned me for the ultimate embarrassing moment I have experienced in my life thus far....

I am spending a quality day with my best friend. We are running errands in the company of one another. I am looking to buy a new car, so we go out and test drive a Prius, then head to the automotive shop for items to clean my own car, and then we head to our friends reptile store. We get to the snake shop, and are just engaged with all the cool new snakes and lizards they have on display. We are playing with the gigantic freely running iguana, and make our way over to the wall of baby snakes. This is a wall with small tanks stacked on top of each other up to the ceiling. We lock eyesight on this tiny baby rainbow boa, and both of us bend over to peer into the tank. This bending action that I took place in, requires basically a full 90 degree bend at the hips for me to easily see into the tank. Jeremiah, our friend and owner of this store walks into the room, and casually asks me, "hey, uhhhh, did you know you have a rip in your shorts?" Let me repeat this is as I am fully bent over peering into the tanks. I stand up, reply "no," and begin to guide my hands to the back of my shorts to better understand what he is speaking of. I am expecting to have a tear, maybe it got caught on a nail and snagged type of tear. To my shocking surprise I feel a completely bare asses, entire length, crack of my butt.

 Now I think butt cracks are absolutely hilarious. When I see them hanging out of peoples pants, I always wish I could sneak a photo and instagram that hilarious sight. This was was no exception. I laughed so hard I was crying, half out of obvious embarrassment, and half because I was so happy to have witnessed such an epic ass tear, even if it was at the expense of my own dignity.

Now here it is, the photo you have been waiting for. It would have been selfish of me to not take a photo for all of the rest of the virtual world to experience laughter at this perfect set up of humiliation.

Now first things first, you may look at the photo and ask "how did I not feel this" Well that my friends is left to one of those strange un-answerable mysteries of the universe. I ask myself the exact same question. I don't know how I was able to one, not feel this start ripping apart, and two, not feel a cool breeze. It was an incredibly hot day, so maybe subconsciously my body was just feeling cooler, so disregarded and said breezes I should have been feeling.

The other horrible part to this is I really have no idea how long I was sporting this ass-less short look. Test driving cars, automotive shop, really have no idea. Those were brand new shorts, and the first time I had worn them... I really loved those shorts....

Insecurities

In today's world, we are highly influenced by the media. I don't watch television much any longer, and have not owned one for over 5 years now. I actually kind of forget that it exists. I am still subjected to advertising, billboards, internet, etc. it surrounds all of us today. Growing up in small towns of Colorado, I wasn't quite as aware of the power that the media held over my personal opinions of life and even my own body image.

Coming out to Los Angeles, and seeing the way that television and movies work life suddenly looks a lot clearer than I had previously known it to be. Something in particular I realized is we are a society the bases self worth completely on fear and competition. Now what I mean in particular with this statement is this, the damned girls that play teenagers in movies are almost in their twenties or are already in their early twenties. So all this time I would envy these movie stars wondering why I didn't look like them as a small scrawny teen was a matter of illusion. Me at 16 didn't look like them, because they weren't 16, they were 20-23. That is a lot of growth and development to take place in those few years. That being said the physical stipulations put on people in today's world are actually quite disgusting. 

Now let me take some time to differentiate what I mean by being shallow about someone's looks. It is not shallow to desire having a partner you find to be attractive. In order to have a romantic relationship one must feel a physical attraction towards their partner or it is just a friendship. A friendship is upgraded to relationship status when their is physical chemistry. So obviously there is nothing wrong with having physical attraction towards people you will seek out in life to be with. The shallowness comes from solely seeking out physical attributes, which I put in the same category as seeking out money in a relationship. 

In life we all go through the darker sides of the spectrum and feel feelings like anger, jealousy, envy, resentment. These feelings, as everyone can agree, make you feel nasty inside. No person ever said feeling jealous made them feel like they were beaming with happiness. These are all a fear based reaction to personal insecurities or unhappiness.

The competitive nature of humans is not something to be ashamed of, this competitiveness exists throughout all species. This is fundamentally where survival of the fittest comes into play. The strongest, and healthy specimens are the ones that will survive, and procreate. In humans this is not necessarily the case any longer as we have such things as doctors that save lives and stuff. In any case, my point is that competition ensures survival. However we have such a false sense of what defines one's self worth, such as beauty, or having pretty shiny things, or just more things, or having bigger boobs, or lips, or smaller waists to the point people put their actual health at risk, or bigger biceps so people start injecting themselves with more growth hormones. All of this, just to keep up with the competition. And why is this we ask ourselves? Is it because our neighbors have amazing perfect bodies? Probably not. They probably all have hidden stretch marks, or are missing a testicle, or their faces are oily, or their butt sags a little. For the general public, perfection does not really exist. The problem is we are all being shown in the media that perfection exists. Honestly, have you seen most of the models in person that you are wishing you looked like? Probably not. So we strive for something that is not real. We are in an ongoing competition with a fantasy.

This is extremely dangerous to the fundamental happiness of humanity. This leads to envy of your neighbor's new tiny sculpted nose. Unbeknownst to us, they now think that their eye slant doesn't match their nose, and their lips need to fill up a little bit in order to accommodate the proportion of their facial features. Your car will never be good enough, if your neighbor's car is newer. Or their Xmas tree is shinier. This type of competition is in place at a false sense of satisfaction. This cycle never ends.



Now don't get me wrong, I love shiny pink things being displayed on a perfectly bodied beautiful woman as much as the next. But remember that their looks don't define their worth as a person. To find contentment with oneself, you have to seek a calm within yourself. Don't envy others for what you do not have. Remember this is all an illusion. Just like my 16 year old self, wondering why I didn't look like the girls in the movies, and for that matter, why didn't all the girls in my school look like them yet? Because that reality just doesn't exist. People lose sight of fantasy and try to make that their reality. And that makes as much sense as believing that a talking unicorn will come to you in the middle of the night and fly in the clouds with you under the moonlight. 

Lets talk about SEX

As I have gone through life, I have fit right into that new tradition of not waiting till marriage to sleep with my boyfriend...Please forgive me oh sacred peoples of the universe....

This being said, there is some benefit to sticking with this tradition. Although I don't recommend using this newly found tradition too soon, that leads to a whole other mess in itself. Here I will talk about my personal
opinions on sex.

* Sex too soon (I'm talking like first date kind of sex)

* Sex before marriage

* Sex after marriage

First things first. I feel that sex is an extremely important component to a relationship. I mean, seriously sexual chemistry is what makes a really good friendship stay as really good friends, or become lovers. Obviously if there is not a mutual sexual attraction towards one another, then there is no room for a relationship. I find our current society to be extremely uncomfortable about the topic of sexual intimacy. If a girl is into sex, she is a dirty whore. If a guy is into sex, he is a stud, but would never admit it to anyone in a place of respect and authority (like lets say one's parents). All of this is really beside the point, what I am saying, is that we are uptight babies when someone talks about sex. To me I see that as just a bunch of close minded BS. But hey that is just me. I find sex to be a very fascinating topic, and further more, sex sells right? If it didn't have such a strong influence on people, then why would they still be using this as a marketing platform? They wouldn't. It is very healthy for you to explore and connect with your body, personally, and to explore your sexuality with your partner.

You can really tell a WHOLE lot about a person's inner character through the act of sex. There is a huge dynamic of things that people are now into these days. This is not really where my topic of discussion has any relevance so I won't go there. However, in a basic way, let's just say very basic, you can tell you selfish a man (or woman, but generally a man) is through the way they make love to you.

Being a woman, I have been subjected to my fair share of extremely selfish A-holes through a direct result of having poor taste in men. I will be focusing primarily on a woman's perspective, because lets face it, I have no idea how to write on the other end of the spectrum, as I am not a man. Some men have incredibly selfish sex. They have sex for themselves, and they do not engage in their partners needs, and leave it as they just have a hard time, sucks to be them. This kind of sex is very robotic. As far as I have seen, they also tend to put themselves first in life situations as well. They don't empathize with their partners needs, or have any desire to fulfill them if they did. They are taken care of, and that is all that matters. So ladies, one must ask, do you really want to jail yourself to a selfish lover? 

The issue of having sex too early, is a topic that can generally be talked about with most of the people in my generation. We have become a society that is instant gratification based. This can generally lead to having sex too soon. Now this isn't always a bad thing. However, when you have sex with a person, as a woman, you release oxytocin. This chemical that is released forms a mental attachment towards the said person you just had sex with. This is dangerous mostly because this alone can mentally jail you to a complete jerk. You had sex with them too soon, now you are attached to them, and you can't even put your finger on it as to why you are so attached. They don't call, they don't text back, they don't take you on dates, and yet for some reason you still just long for affection from them. This is purely a trick of the brain, and the reason why sex too early in a relationship can be dangerous. Lets say said jerk off finally starts to answer calls and regularly come around. You now could be misplacing your physical lusting for love. You really feel like there is love, but in reality all you have is sex. You don't have similar interests, you don't have great conversations, you basically just have sex. This is the thing you have to really look at and make sure you are not misplacing your feelings of lust for the love of your life, because honestly what a waste of life that could end up becoming! 

Now I am not telling anyone to wait and have sex after marriage, because I guess there is that whole saying of practice what you preach... I feel like having sex can further help define your relationship with your partner. Like I said earlier, you need that chemistry in order to have a healthy romantic relationship. I don't think that expressing yourself sexually before marriage causes harm. It can lead to extremely beautiful relationship strengthening. If you begin to take the mechanical sex act that many people tend to get into the routine, and think of this as a dance of your inner souls, things can start to get very personally deep with your partner. If you flow with the energy of both of your minds, and you really focus on the connection, then people's relationships can become very enlightened. It is like a whole energy field that cycles through one's mind, and bodies. 

Generally speaking, this connection will not be felt by the lusting couple that had sex too early. This type of sex is not typically possible for people who have not established a mental bond and connection. So it is important to still not mistake this for that lusting feeling one may have from becoming attached to a partner through the physical means of sex. When they talk about the fact you must be able to have a conversation with your partner in order to have a strong long lasting relationship, that is true. You could not experience this type of sex, if you or your partner is not mentally connected with the other. This type of sex requires that connection first, and it also requires that you have not landed yourself with one of those selfish jerk lovers I talked about previously. 

Now to the sex after marriage part of this topic. Just like I am not a man, I cannot speak for the whole waiting till marriage. Personally to me, that sounds like a terrible idea. I don't want any surprises in my sex life after I have legally bound myself to my partner til death do us part!